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Thoma no Shinzou 2

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Juli and Eric go around the dormitory as monitors.
Eric: What would you do if someone was badly in love with you?
Juli: I wouldn't do anything. That's his or her business. If someone loves you, do you have to love him or her back? If I don't like him, I don't need to love him, do I ?
Eric: Do you dislike me?
Juli: Not particularly.
Eric: Then do you like me at all?
Juli wonders if he can regain the angel wings if he says yes to Eric. At that moment, they hear a loud noise. Juli runs into the room, where six students are living. One of them says his watch is gone. All the students but Arndt say Ludwig has stolen it. Juli takes Ludwig to the chapel. Juli asks Ludwig if he has stolen the watch. Ludwig denies that.
Juli: God will forgive you if you confess everything because He always watches you and loves you.
Ludwig: God only loves good people. Bad people will never be saved.
Juli: Everyone is sinful, so each of us has to try to become a good person.
Ludwig: Humans are sinful, so no wonder they commit crimes. But I think even the criminals are far better than a liar who pretends to be innocent and reads the Bible on the stand every day.
Juli: What do you mean?
Ludwig: About Thoma Werner, for example.
Juli: Give the watch back, Ludwig.
Ludwig places a watch on the table. Juli tells him to go back to the room.

Eric goes after Ludwig.
Eric: Why did you say like that to Juli? What did Juli do to Thoma?
Ludwig: Return the book to the shelf, will you? I like to go there to read that poem.
Eric: I will. I haven't shown the poem to anyone else. Did you write it? You are in love with Juli, aren't you?
Ludwig: It was Thoma that wrote the poem. You've not got why Thoma killed himself, have you? I had thought he was killed by accident until I found that note in the library.

When Eric goes back to his room, Juli is going to bed.
Eric: You've known Thoma Werner killed himself. Did you know he died for you?
Juli: He said so. Go to bed now.
Eric: When did he say that?
Juli: After Easter, I received a letter from him. It was his last statement. I tore it into pieces on a windy, cloudy day. You arrived here on that day.
Eric: What did he say in the statement? Did he say how he loved you? Why did you tear it up?
Juli: Why? Why did he have to kill himself even if he loved me? He was a handsome, good boy. There were many students who worshipped him. If I had been him, I wouldn't have been that pushy. He might be satisfied if I die to follow him. He just adored himself and wanted to attract my attention. I don't believe he loved me.

The next morning, Eric asks Oscar how Thoma died. Oscar says Thoma jumped from the bridge. Arndt hears Eric and Oscar talking. Arndt runs away. On his way, he collides with Ludwig. Oscar catches Arndt and says it was not Arndt's fault that Thoma killed himself.
Ludwig: It was not your fault. He was always reading a book borrowed from the library. I have Thoma's library card. I'll show it to you later. He read all the books that Juli had read. He began to do that long before you encouraged him to seduce Juli.
Arndt stops crying and says "Sorry" to Eric.
Eric wonders why Arndt said "Sorry" to him. Was it Thoma that Arndt said "sorry" to?

When Juli and Oscar are preparing for the experiment of chemistry class, Eric kicks a ball into the chemistry room by accident. Juli is injured and goes to the infirmary. Eric goes to the infirmary and looks into the room. Eric is surprised to see scars on Juli's back. Eric makes an apology for seeing the scars.
Juli: You don't know anything. You are living in a sunny side of the world. What you saw on my back are remains of my lost wings. What do you apologize for? Leave me alone.

Juli Sid, who is Eric's step father comes to see Eric. Eric is surprised to hear Juli Sid wants to live with him. Juli Sid invites Eric to live together because both of them loved Eric's mother. Eric accepts his invitation and asks him to let him stay at school until holidays because he has a friend who he wants to gain a trust from. Eric goes back to his room and tells Juli that he will stay at school because Juli is there. Juli says nothing. Eric tells one of his classmates he will stay at school because he loves Juli. Classmates gossip about them.

Tea party members invite Eric to the tea party and take Juli there forcibly because Juli never accepts their invitations. Juli gets upset and goes back to his room.
Juli: It's the same as what happened with Thoma.
Eric: It's not the same. I have an advantage. Kiss me, or I'll tell about the scars on your back.
Juli stares at Eric. Eric tries to apologize. Juli kisses Eric and slaps him before going out. Eric didn't know there's such a bitter kiss.

Eric seems down after that. Classmates soothe him. "It's too tough to seduce Juli." Eric says he hasn't been blown off yet.
Thinking about many things in the bedroom, Eric falls asleep. Eric is stubbed by Juli in his dream and wakes up.
Juli: Sleep in your own bed.
Eric: Sorry. I had a dream. Did Thoma know about your scars? Is that why you killed him?
Juli: Are you still sleeping?
Eric: Why did he kill himself?
Juli: That was his option.
Eric: You didn't believe him. So, he committed suicide.
Juli: Do you mean I killed Thoma Werner?
Eric: Yes. You loved him, didn't you?
Juli: No way.
Eric: Why can't you forget him?
Juli: It's you that reminds me of him.
Eric: Then why did you kill him in spite of that you loved him?
Juli: Why are you being so illogical?
Eric: Liar! Show me your scars. How did they come to be? Who has taken your wings away?
Suddenly, Juli kisses Eric.
Juli: Why don't you tell me if you want me to kiss you ? Yes. You have a trump card. Show it to me as many times as you like.
Eric: Get out of the room.
Juli: Why don't you get out?

Eric: If I drop dead, it's Juli who has killed me.
Oscar: How come?
Eric: Thoma died without saying anything, but I would say everything before I die.
Oscar: That's the way you always go.
Eric: I don't get along with Juli. I wonder why. I told him something nasty about his wings.
Oscar: Wings? Is Juli a spaceman? Did you see something?
Oscar says "Did he say anything?" and touches Eric on his back as though he draws Juli's scars on Eric's back.
Eric: Oscar, have you known that?
Oscar: The scars? Yes. We used to share the same room, you know. He doesn't know that I know, though.
Eric: I don't get what Juli is thinking about. I wonder why he got the scars.
Oscar thinks for a while, then he asks Eric.
Oscar: Do you want to know why? Do you want to know, Eric?
Eric: No, I don't. I don't want to know. No, no, please don't tell me. I might annoy Juli again because I'm stupid. I'll show him all my trump cards. Please don't.
Oscar: I see. You're great, really great, Eric.
A gentleman is looking at them in the yard.

Eric is called by Mr. Busch. The man Eric saw in the yard is Thoma's father. He invites Eric to his house. Eric doesn't want to visit Thoma's family. But Oscar encourages him to go. Juli tells Eric the Werners are Eric's relatives and they might want to adopt Eric.

Eric visits Thoma's family. Eric sees Thoma's photo there. Mrs. Werner says Roger Brown, who is Eric's real father, is her cousin. She suggests that Eric go in Thoma's room. He refuses to do that.
Eric: Even if I go into his room, I won't become Thoma.
He says he has decided to live with Juli Sid.
"You're not Thoma. Thoma is nowhere." says Mrs. Werner and bursts into tears.
"I'm going home." says Eric.
Thoma's mother makes an apology for crying and asks Eric to come to see them again. "I won't come again." says Eric.

Mr. Werner and Eric walk side by side for a while. Mr. Werner says Thoma burnt all his diaries in his last evening before the accident. When Thoma was a child he asked Mr. Werner why God made humans such lonely creatures that they can't live alone. He answered "It proves humans are eternal. The universe changes. This flower produces seeds. We will be unified someday and will fly that high."

After Eric says goodbye to Mr. Werner, he thinks about Thoma. He understands what Thoma was thinking. He regrets he didn't look at his room. Humans feel alone. That's why they can't live without love. He thinks about Juli. Eric is sure Juli loves somebody. Everyone loves Juli.

Bacchus asks Oscar a question. Bacchus shows Oscar a report that Siegfried wrote a year ago. The report says the religion should have been destroyed before they began to rule the world, and that real human nature is originally devilish. All that the religion calls evil are actually good.
Bacchus: Immediately after the Easter holidays, Siegfried and his group were expelled from school, and around the same time, you and Juli became monitors. I had thought you also involved in what Siegfried and his group had done. I speculated you weren't expelled because you had a connection with the headmaster and Juli kept an eye on you.
Oscar: What do you want to say?
Bacchus: I hear Juli has a burn mark. He never comes to the tea party. The party room used to be the place where Siegfried and his group got together. Last Easter holidays, who were staying at school? Juli and....?
Oscar: Bacchus!
Bacchus: Is it Juli that has been monitored?

Oscar tells Bacchus about what he knows about the incident. When he came back to school after the last Easter, Juli seemed unwell. When Oscar patted his shoulder, he fell down the stairs. Juli was taken into the monitor's room. Mr. Hohmann was the monitor then. Mr. Hohmann told Oscar to look after Juli and went out for the mass. When Oscar unbuttoned Juli's shirt, he saw a fresh scar. It must have been made by a cigarette. Oscar saw blood and ash around the scar. Juli seemed to be tortured in the previous night or early that morning. A doctor arrived and Oscar left the room. Soon after that, doctor came out of the room and asked Oscar to call the headmaster. Three days later, Siegfried and three other students were expelled from school. The doctor said Juli needed a private room and he kept staying in Mr. Hohmann's room. Oscar moved there and two of them became monitors. Juli has had scars since then. Oscar couldn't do anything for him.

"I want to tell Juli to forget Siegfried." says Oscar.
Then Eric opens the door all of a sudden, and asks "What do you mean "Forget Siegfried"? Who is Siegfried?". Juli is walking outside the room and hears what Eric said. Juli shouts at Oscar "You've known that." and runs away.

Eric goes after Juli and enters into the library. Juli puts his hands around Eric's neck.
Eric: I've failed to strangle myself. But this time....
Juli begins to cry.
Eric: I visited Thoma's family today. I saw Thoma smiling in a photo. He looked similar to me. Then I think that he really loved you.
Juli: You can hear from Oscar. He knows everything.
Eric: What do I need to hear? I love you. Isn't that enough?
Juli: Do you love me?
Eric: Yes, I do. I wonder why you wouldn't believe that.
Juli: Whatever I am?
Eric: Whatever you are.
Juli: Even if I am a murderer or a betrayer?
Eric: Yes.
Juli: Even if I tell you how the scars came to be?
Eric: Oscar knows that, you know, and Oscar loves you.
Juli: There's something that he doesn't know. Thoma wouldn't have said he loved me if he'd known that.
Eric: I disagree. He loved you whatever happened. Why don't you understand?
Juli: I know he loved me. I knew he was always standing under the tree.
Eric: Why did you say you didn't believe him? What did you say to him? "I don't know you"?
Juli: I had no choice. I'd lost wings.
Eric: Wings? Do you mean wings necessary for going to heaven? Have you lost them? Then will my wings work? If you say I have wings and you don't, I'll give you one of them or even both of them. I don't need them. If you have wings, you will be able to go to heaven, where Thoma is.
Eric runs away.
Juli recalls Thoma's last statement. "You know what I mean." Juli has finally got what he meant.

A student tells Oscar that the headmaster has fallen ill.
When Oscar comes into the infirmary, the doctor tells Oscar the headmaster had a heart attack and lost consciousness. Before he had the heart attack, he told the doctor he wanted to adopt Oscar. The doctor disagreed. The doctor allows Oscar to stay at the infirmary. Oscar asks Eric if he knows something about heart diseases. Oscar asks if the headmaster has a chance to recover. Eric doesn't know that.

Eric runs to the dining room and asks Juli to stay with Oscar. Juli always sees angel wings on the back of every student. Only he doesn't have the wings. He thinks himself a Judas. Juli wonders if Thoma loved him for all that. Eric says Oscar loves Juli and he needs him now. Juli decides to go to the infirmary to stay with Oscar.

Juli has been thinking why Christ said to Judas "Go and do what you should do." even though Christ knew Judas had betrayed him. Did Christ love Judas for all that? Did Judas love Christ, too? Oscar has known everything and watched Juli without saying anything.

Juli goes into the headmaster's room.
Oscar: What do you want?
Juli: If I can stay here....If you need someone and you love me.......If you......
Oscar: ............ The headmaster is my father.
Oscar speaks about his mother and father. Oscar thinks Gustav might have killed Oscar's mother and left Oscar because of the headmaster. But he doesn't have hatred against the headmaster. If he is dying, Oscar wants to say to him "I love you."
Juli: Is that the trump that you said you had?
Oscar: Yes, it is. But what I actually wanted is that he realizes I love him. I also want you to realize I love you.
Juli: Have you forgiven him?
Oscar: Yes. I was just waiting.

The next morning, the doctor states the headmaster will get better. Oscar goes into the bedroom to see the headmaster. Juli goes outside. He tells Eric the headmaster has got better. Eric goes to see Oscar. Bacchus says Eric stayed with tea party members overnight. He invites Juli to drink tea at the party room. Juli accepts the invitation.
Bacchus: You are smiling. You look very happy.
Juli: Yes, Bacchus. I've got God loves humans whatever they are.
Juli tells Bacchus that he will leave Schlotterbeck for Bonn to become a priest.

Eric can't believe that Juli is leaving Schlotterbeck and goes to the chapel to see Juli. Oscar knows it's no use going after Juli. Thoma has won. They don't need to wait for Juli any more. Juli has started his new life already. That's their farewell and a new beginning at the same time.
Eric: You must be kidding.
Juli: I'm leaving tomorrow.
Eric: You'll abandon us!
Juli: You said you would give me your wings, didn't you?
Eric: If you go, I won't give you anything.
Juli: I have a lot to talk to you. You remind me of all sweet memories of mine, such as the morning when my sister was born, snow at Christmas, the girl who I was in love for the first time, a stranger's kindness, and so on. Probably you've never hated anyone. So everyone sees you as if you were amour.
Eric: If you go, I'll hate you!
Juli: I loved Thoma. I worshipped him as many others did. I felt happy whenever I saw him. But I betrayed him and myself. Do you remember Siegfried, who you met at the Giessen station?
Eric: Was he Siegfried? What did he do?
Juli begins to talk about Siegfried.

Siegfried often came to the library. Juli was in charge of lending books to students. Siegfried: I've been writing a report on this book "Renaissance and Humanism". It's past due but can I keep it for a while?
Juli: Ok. But I'm interested in it, too. So, when you've done the report, I want to read it as well.
Siegfried: I bet your father is Greek....
Juli: Yes.
Siegfried: You have a beautiful black hair.

Juli stayed at school during the Easter holidays because his sister was sick in the hospital and he didn't want to spend most of the time with his grandmother. Siegfried and his group members also stayed at school. They were not allowed to go out because they had violated a school rule. Siegfried brought back "Renaissance and Humanism" and told Juli he wanted to discuss it when Juli finished reading it. Siegfried invited Juli to the party room in Jacob house. Juli went there because he was attracted by Siegfried. He knew what kind of student Siegfried was and his another self warned him he shouldn't go. There were good and evil in his mind. The good part was attracted by Thoma and the evil part by Siegfried. He thinks he might have thrown away the wings by himself when he accepted Siegfried's invitation. Juli's scars on his back were made with a teacher's cane.

Siegfried: All humans are fallen angels. God? What did he do? Your belief will be destroyed if a condition changes. It's very opportunistic and easy.
He proved that his theory was correct by Juli. Juli was terribly caned.
Siegfried: Wake up, Juli. You're great, faithful Juli. You haven't changed your mind yet. However, you can't win against the violence.
Siegfried was smoking. He was trying to put the cigarette fire to Juli's body.
Siegfried: Say I'm superior to God! Say you believe in me! Say you love me! Say yes! You love me, don't you?
Siegfried put the cigarette onto Juli's body.

Juli: Then I did as he said. I knelt in front of him, kissed his foot and repeated "Forgive me, I'll do anything" again and again.
Eric: Enough.
Juli: Then I signed an oath in blood.
Eric: I said "enough". You don't have to tell any further. Sorry, it must have been horrible for you to talk about that.
Juli: I knew Thoma really loved me. I couldn't accept his love. I wasn't worth loving. I even dreamed that I put fire to Thoma. I felt so depressed that I told myself that I loved no one. When I heard Thoma had died, I had very complicated feeling. Oscar gave me Thoma's last statement. I didn't get why he had killed himself for me. He didn't know anything. He only knew I had closed my mind. But he was sure a man can't live without love and I also needed love even if I ignored or denied that. Thoma had forgiven everything when he said he loved me. When I got that, I wanted to talk with him in front of God.

In the morning when Juli leaves Schlotterbeck, Ludwig hands Eric an envelope and asks him to pass it to Juli. Oscar and Eric accompany Juli to the station. Oscar takes the envelope away from Eric to see what it is. It is the book "Renaissance and Humanism". Ludwig must have stolen it from the library. Eric encourages Juli to take it with him.
Oscar: Is it interesting?
Eric: Not a bit. But Thoma read it, too.
On their way back to school, Eric says he will quit school and go to Boden to live with Juli Sid. Oscar says there are many friends at school and Eric needs to learn a lot.
On the train, Juli opens the book. He notices a note in the book and begins to read it.